I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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