Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
