I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
