...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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