If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
