The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
