I'm eating all of the evidence.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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