Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
