maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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