: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
