where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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