I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
