I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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