he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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