her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My life is pants optional.
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