I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
