Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
