It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
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I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
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I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize