I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
