so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
