tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So many bounce houses so little time
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
