I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
