So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
