I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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