I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
