I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
