You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
