His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you will always have a special place in my vag
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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