you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
