Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
