You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
