Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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