today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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