I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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