In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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