But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
