There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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