One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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