i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
