I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
