When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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