im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
