I love black thongs
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
