Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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