Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
