I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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