what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
