i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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