1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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