Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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