1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
