I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
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It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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