Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
