Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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