How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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