He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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