I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
