Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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