At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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