Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
