We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize