Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
