when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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