In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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