The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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