You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
