Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
