I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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