What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
