Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
