two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
