dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
