I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
