In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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