Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
