yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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