You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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